Ponderings of a Middle-Aged Mom: silliness

Showing posts with label silliness. Show all posts

Tootin' in the Booty

Kaylee is laying on the bed with me.

She is snuggled up and we are relaxing, watching some silly show on TV.

I love these moments because they are getting to be few and far between.

A few minutes pass by.

Kaylee farts. It is big and it is loud. And might possibly be able to peel the paint off the walls.

It is rotten.

*crickets*

She says nothing. Doesn't even acknowledge that she tooted.

I look at her. "Really? REALLY?? Something along the lines of "Excuse me" might be appropriate. Don't you think?"

She sits up and looks at me. "I'm sorry. Excuse me for farting."

She is nowhere near being sorry. I am not happy with her apology.

So I say, "Excuse you for farting in my . . . ????"

And leave her to fill in the blank. I want her to say something like 'Excuse me for farting in your bed.'

She looks at me with eyebrows raised. She is smiling from ear to ear.

I am not prepared for what is about to come out of her mouth.

"Excuse me for farting . . . in my . . . butt?"

She melts into a fit of giggles.

Oh. . . my. . . God. . .

Totally not where I had wanted it to go. I am laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my cheeks.

I can not breathe.

I may have snorted a time or two.

Duh. Why didn't I think of that?

This kid cracks me up sometimes.

Through my giggles I manage to say, "I was thinking of something different but your version is way funnier."

Of course I had to share the fun with Randall.

So now every time he farts? He states that he has farted in his butt.

Obviously.

Farts are funny, people. At least they are around these parts.

Even more so after you have kids.

Really.

Late Night Munchies

It is 2am, Sunday morning.

I am sitting here drinking a Coke (Yes, Oka I have joined you on the dark side! Hee hee!) and eating pizza rolls.

What?

I have the late night munchies. When I start bitching about not losing any weight or I start bitching about gaining back some of what I lost? Remind me about my late night snacking. Please.

So I am sitting here eating my tasty snack and just thinking. Come along, won't you?

Why the hell am I the only person in this house who can empty the ice cube trays into the ice cube bucket and then fill the ice cube trays with water and then stick them back into the freezer?

Just because I bought the damn things does not make me solely responsible for the production of ice. I am not the fucking ice fairy. Although I think everybody thinks one exists.

Might have to put a stop to that.

I went to see Randall yesterday evening. He is feeling better though he is far from being 100%. He is in hopes of being released sometime today. I told him to not get his hopes up. I guess we'll see what happens.

Out of boredom I painted my nails. I never, ever paint my nails, ever. So that has to tell you something. Weird thing? I kinda like it. Might be something that sticks around.

A friend repaid a loan of $15 with a ten dollar bill and a roll of dimes. I cracked up on the inside. Then felt kinda sad. But then looked on the bright side. Change is money too and it will get spent on something. Will probably put it in my change jar and save it for tight times. I am a hoarder that way.

Late night infomercials crack me up. Right now? I am watching one for a little machine that helps get rid of hair. You know, leg hair, arm hair, underarm hair, facial hair. All the hair that you might want rid of, it is surely to remove it! Except maybe the hair down there. I think it uses lasers of some sort... Really don't think you want to use a laser on your nether regions. But I could be wrong... It's called No! No! Hair. It looks like some kind of battery powered electrolysis machine. I can only imagine the amount of batteries I would have to go through to use this thing on my legs.

My opinion on this little hair removal system? No! No! Thank you! Although it has to be better than the epilady from years ago. I didn't see ripping out of hair with No! No!. But it did have a weird little buffer thing that came with it.

The crazy things that people will buy.

So I guess maybe I should try sleeping. Sunday promises to be an interesting day.

Keeping my fingers crossed that Randall comes home but trying not to get my hopes up at the same time.

I am weird. But you knew that already.

Hey!?!

Who ate all my pizza rolls?

Have a spectacular Sunday!

Mother Hen-ish

Three days into the new year.

Hello to you 2011! So nice to see you come around. Can you please be an easier year for us than 2010 was?

For anyone who is wondering about Randall's last stay in the hospital, he was released the next day. So he was able to ring in the New Year with his family. It was nice to have him home.

Nice to have him home and stressful at the same time.

I have been in mother-hen mode pretty much since he walked in through the door. I know he hates mother-hen mode but he never complains about it.

Mother hen mode is me asking him a barrage of questions to see if he is OK.

This is me:

"Are you OK?"
"Do you feel OK?"
"What's wrong??"
"Are you sure you're OK?"
"Are you nauseous?"
"Are you going to throw-up??"
"Can I do anything for you?"

I know the answer to the last one would probably be, "Yeah, leave me the fuck alone." But he has never said anything like that to me, ever.

It's stressful for him. It's stressful for me. I worry so much when he gets sick like he has been. He tries to protect me when things start getting bad. He will tell me that everything is fine. Sadly, I have been down this road way too many times before and I know that we will be visiting the hospital sometime soon.

He slept all day Sunday. When the pain is as severe as it has been, that is how he deals with it. He sleeps. And I leave him alone. I let him sleep. I figure that when he sleeps his body is healing. And then I hope that when he wakes up, he feels a little bit better than he did before.

He finally woke up around midnight, maybe a little later. And asked for some soup. As I was leaving the room, he looks at me and says, "Thank you. Thank you for letting me sleep and thank you for taking care of me. I don't know how you have stayed with me as long as you have. Especially since I have been so sick. If it was reversed and you were the sick one, I would stay with you of course but it would be hard."

Wait... What?

I just nodded my head. Pretty sure he didn't mean that to come out the way it did. He's funny with his words sometimes. I know that if the situation was reversed, he would do all that I have done for him plus some.

So remember my makeover by Kaylee last week? The one where Randall got a makeover too? Well, I asked him and was quickly told that I was not allowed to post those pictures, ever.

Heh.

I figured if I couldn't post the whole picture, I would post part of the picture!

Hee hee! I can be so freaking sneaky sometimes!

Without further adieu, here's part of Randall's make-over picture:

Think he was just a little surprised?

I giggle every time I look at this picture. It is priceless!

So much for trying to tell me what I can and can't post!

Hee hee!

Randomness of Me

Random things about me:

I am a nail biter. My own nails, obviously. I don’t go around looking to bite other peoples nails. That would be super disgusting. Like nail biting isn’t disgusting in it’s own right, right?

I hate when people hover behind me. When you hover behind me, it makes me think you’re being nosey. For the most part, I am right. Kaylee hovers when I am trying to type up a blog. She tries to read as I type and that just gets all over my nerves! My FIL has been known to hover outside our bedroom door. Ummm… Hello? What the what are you doing? You are not as stealthy as you may think you are! I know you’re there! I think he either 1) Is trying to eavesdrop and see what we’re talking about or 2) is listening to see if we’re having sex. Either way, it’s gross and it freaks me out.

I crunch ice when I am stressed out.

I am just a little bit scared of the dark. More so when I am all alone and have just watched a scary movie.

No matter the length of my hair, I always find a way to pull it up/back/out of my face. I can only handle it hanging down for so long. Then it starts to aggravate me.

I am addicted to watching reality tv shows. Amazing Race, Storm Chasers, Big Brother, Deadliest Catch are a few of my favorites...

I hoard papers. Not bad enough that I need to be on hoarders, just bad enough that I have clutter EVERYWHERE. I live in fear of accidentally throwing away something that is important, so I hold on to everything!

I cut my own hair. And sometimes get help from Randall. I have not paid someone to cut my hair in over a year. Why pay someone when I can do just as good a job as a pro?

Hoping your Hump Day has been a good one! ;)

That's NOT a Ball...

Randall, Kaylee and I were all sitting around the other day when Kaylee went and grabbed a small ball. We started tossing it back and forth between the three of us.

After about 15 minutes of ball tossing, a memory comes flooding back to me.

A memory that is probably better kept to myself because it is sort of gross. But I will share it anyway because I am all friendly and like to gross people out when I can. LOL

OK, so the memory that came flooding back to me was of Randall and I playing toss when Kaylee was just a tiny little baby.

We did not play toss with a ball.

We didn't play toss with little baby toys.

We didn't play toss with baby clothes.

We didn't play toss with the baby.

I am suddenly feeling Dr. Seuss-ish.

What we did play toss with was dirty, freshly changed baby Kaylee diapers.

It started purely by accident one night as Randall had just changed a really rotten poopy diaper.

He felt the need to share it with me. Thus closing it up fairly tight and proceeding to wing it at me from across the room.

A diaper tossing war ensued.

And so started the game we would play almost every single time a diaper was changed in our house. Of course we never played this game any where else. Could you imagine the looks of horror if we would have started this crazy game in public? Although it might have been really funny to include a stranger in on the fun. OK, maybe not. That wasn't something I was willing to find out anyway.

Pee filled diapers were actually kinda fun to toss around. You didn't have to worry overmuch about them.

The poopy ones were the ones you had to worry about, obviously. You were pretty much shit out of luck if one opened up on you.

I had more than my fair share of shitty luck.

I can remember having to remind Randall more than once that it was HIM who started this sick and twisted game that we were playing.

I do have to say that it made diaper changing time fun. For the most part anyway.

See? I so told you it was gross.

Sorry if I made you gag.

Have a nice and poop free day! ;)