I Thought I Knew

I wasn't expecting this.

As a matter of fact this is the last thing I really ever expected to happen.

I have lived with someone who has had diabetes for eleven years.  I know what to do and what not to do.

I have watched as he has gone from controlling his blood sugar by diet to taking Metformin to ultimately taking two types of insulin every day.

Diabetes is no joke.

I know what to do and what not to do.

Or so I thought.

Tuesday morning I had a fasting finger stick blood draw done to see what my blood sugar was when I haven't eaten in eight hours.

It was 167.  That is high.

So I had to schedule yet another appointment to discuss what my treatment would be.

That was today.

I walked in feeling fairly confident that I would more than likely have to take a pill to help control my blood sugar.

Upon sitting down and talking to the doctor, he didn't feel that the pill would be a wise choice since I had stated that Randall and I would like to have another child (at a previous appointment).  Apparently it is harder to control your blood sugar on Metformin while you are pregnant.

He said that taking insulin is the way to go.

I had to pick my jaw up off of the floor.

I was not expecting to be on insulin from the get-go.  I figured there would be some other treatment and that insulin would be the last course of action. . .  Because that is what happened with Randall.

I was completely shocked.  Still am.

I have spent the majority of my adult life being the one who was well.  I have never had any diseases or illnesses of this nature.

Within the last month I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes.

To say that I am overwhelmed is putting it lightly.

I start taking the insulin tonight.

I am hoping and praying that with the insulin and watching my diet and exercising regularly, I will kick this last month's diagnosis in the ass.

I know what to do and what not to do.

Let's see if I can put it to good use.

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Ten Thought Tuesday: The Health Edition

I am running late today.

It's not my fault though.

Really.

OK, OK.  Maybe it is.

Either way, it's Tuesday and you know what that means around here.

Hop on board and lets go for a ride!

Ready?

Here we go!


10.  Had an appointment with my doctor today.  It was supposed to be follow up with my blood pressure and a follow up with some blood work that was done early last week.

9.  The blood work was a fasting blood work to check my blood sugar and to check my cholesterol.

8.  There is good news and bad news.

Wait.  I'm lying.

There's bad news and worse news.

7.  Bad news:  My blood sugar wasn't checked so I have to do that all over again.  Tomorrow.

6.  Worse news:  My cholesterol numbers are totally out of whack.  The good cholesterol is really low.  The bad is pretty high.  Although not bad enough for me to be put on meds.  I have to try and improve my numbers with diet and exercise.

5.  My blood pressure is still pretty high.  So I have also been put on a diuretic to help my body try to get rid of the unneeded salt and water.

4.  Pretty sure I will be peeing ALL THE TIME.  Thankyouverymuch!

3.  We found out yesterday that one of the in-laws cats has cancer.  Sunday night we noticed a little swelling on the top left of her jaw.  So Monday, Randall and FIL took her to the vet.

2.  They came home looking defeated.  Gave us the news.  MIL, Kaylee and myself have all cried on and off since.

1.  The vet gave FIL a few days worth of pain meds for the cat so that she can be comfortable.  But could not give a time frame as to when she might pass.  So they brought her home and we have all been loving on her as much as we can.

This is not my cat but I am completely heartbroken.  I have been around these cats for years and they have adopted me.  They are part of my family and I love them dearly.

We are worried about how the other cat will react when her sister passes.  I am hopeful that she will be OK.  The in-laws have been saying that they will get a kitten to help keep her company.  I'm not so sure that's a wise idea but, like I said, they are not my animals.

So I am sad and down about the cat and my health.

How was your Tuesday?

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Lost: My Compassion

It is really late Sunday night.

Or very early Monday morning.  Depends on how you look at it, I guess.

My FIL had to take Randall to the ER tonight. {I choose Sunday night since I haven't been to bed yet.}

I may have been very unsympathetic towards him and how he was feeling.  Please don't judge me.  Randall has had gastroparesis for almost 3 years now.  I spent the first year and a half a worried, compassionate mess.  I finally learned the best way to get him to the hospital was to be stern with him.  Otherwise I would probably be close to insanity by now.

I may have yelled at him when he was feeling the worst.

I may have told him that I didn't want to go to the hospital with him.

I think we can all agree that I was being a bitch.

The thing is, if you have not been through one of Randall's sick episodes?  You have no clue how traumatic they are for everyone.

He runs to the bathroom and vomits. . .  Kaylee starts to cry.

He comes into the bedroom mutters an "I'm OK." and falls into bed.  He complains about the pain he is in and complains about the nausea.  Five minutes later he is running back to the bathroom.  Kaylee starts to cry again.

I tell her to not cry.  I tell her that we have been through this several times before.  I tell her that she knows Daddy isn't well and that sometimes his tummy doesn't act right.

I get her calmed down in time for Randall to come out of the bathroom, looking like shit warmed over.

I start out asking him if he wants to go to the hospital.  His answer is always "NO".

I have enough time to say the words "I really think you should go" and he is off to the bathroom again.

His puking sessions are violent and loud.

Kaylee starts to cry.

By this point I am irritated.  This is where I lose any and all compassion.

I become downright mean.

I yell at Randall.  I yell at Kaylee.

To my amazement Randall says he will go to the hospital.  He asks his Dad to take him. {Because honestly, I am being a bitch at this point.  I wouldn't want me going either.}

Which brings me to where I am now.  Sitting here and waiting to hear something from my FIL from the hospital.

Having had some time to look back on my reaction?  I feel pretty bad.

But if I wouldn't have been mean, he would still be here running back and forth to the bathroom until he would be so weak that he couldn't move then forcing us to call an ambulance and listen to them hem and haw as to whether they should take him to the hospital or not thus causing me to turn into super-bitch and demand that he be taken to the hospital because there is nothing that I can do for him here, when he gets sick like that he can't hold anything down not even water so how would you expect me to get him to take his PILLS?

So, while I feel bad about being a bitch, I don't because I know that my bitchiness made Randall go to the hospital before he got really, really bad.

Less stress on everyone.

Well except maybe the FIL who is stuck sitting in the hospital room with Randall.

That's an experience in and of itself too.


Please keep Randall in your thoughts and prayers.  Send him good mojo and positive vibes.  Toss some in there for me too, wouldja?

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He Doesn't Know...

I have sat here all day and watched as he has slept yet another day away.  


He is sick.  He has diabetes, gastroparesis and a heart condition.  


He has good days and bad days.  Unfortunately the bad days tend to be REALLY bad.  Today has been one of those days.  He has moaned in his sleep and for the few seconds that he wakes up, all I can get out of him is that his kidneys hurt.  Being diabetic, I don't see this as a good thing.  I try to get him up so we can go to the hospital.  He yells at me to leave him alone he is just tired and needs to sleep.  So I do.  I don't drive so the only way for me to get him there (aside from begging my FIL to take him, which I don't think he would anyway...) is to call an ambulance.  I haven't called yet because you can't call them and tell them never mind, it's OK now...  


I have fought off tears all day.  Trying to be strong for Kaylee but she knows me too well and knows I'm upset about something, no matter how I try to hide it.  I had a breakdown a little bit ago and started bawling and said to him that I was scared he was gonna die.  He woke up then and said he was OK that he just needed to sleep that if he felt the same tomorrow he would go to the hospital.  I don't know...


I feel lost and helpless.  I have NO ONE to lean on here.  I have no friends, not really.  The people I know, I know through Randall and I would feel funny asking them for any type of help.  The in-laws could really care less.  How could you not give 3 shits about your own flesh and blood?  HOW?


So I am left to sit here and pray.  Pray that he wakes up feeling better in the morning.  Pray that it's just a cold or flu of some kind and he won't have to be hospitalized.  Pray that I can find the strength to make it through this (I know I will.  I always do).


I hope your weekend has started off better than mine has.  

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