It was a good visit. I hadn't seen him since he had been admitted Friday night.
We talked about a few things. Talked about his Dad. Talked about the dispatching we do. Talked about me getting a job once I am able to get a valid ID. Talked about other various things.
But the best thing? Was being able to sit in comfortable silence. I wrapped myself up in it like it was a warm, cozy blanket. It was nice. I held his hand and sat there. Loving the time I had with him.
When it came time for me to leave, he stood up and gave me a hug. To have his arms around me, to have that comfort... Felt so good.
And in that moment? I cracked. The armor that I have been wearing for months now, broke into pieces. Before I could pick the pieces up, he noticed. And was instantly asking what was wrong.
I could not give him an answer because truthfully, I didn't have any idea as to why I cracked. I thought I had gotten pretty good at holding it all in until I could have a few moments to myself. Apparently, I have not yet become a master of those emotions.
But I finally got it pulled together, gave him a kiss, told him I loved him and left. While I was standing at the bus stop I lost it again. Not bad. But bad enough when you're out in public. I got myself together before I embarrassed myself.
So I have spent my day being an emotional wreck.
Tomorrow will be better.