I have not posted anything since. . . Since when exactly?
*pauses to look it up*
I haven't posted anything since September 28th.
It is now October 28th.
That's a whole freaking month!
It's not that I haven't had anything to say. It's that I haven't been able to find the right words to say what I want.
There is nothing 'new' going on. Life is the same as it has been the last few years.
Struggle, worry, stress. Repeat.
I know I'm not the only one with struggles so I try to leave them off the blog. Although I am certain that my struggles are not the same or even as normal as those that other people have.
My husband is sick.
We are struggling with bills.
We need more money coming in.
I am fairly sure that I am clinically depressed, even though it hasn't been diagnosed.
I am sick of my in-laws.
I am semi-actively looking for a job even though I feel as though I shouldn't be the only motherfucker in this house looking for one.
I stay aggravated. I stay agitated. I stay grumpy.
There are times that I can cry at the drop of a hat. I hate to cry. It leaves me feeling weak and vulnerable.
In that moment when the tears start to roll down my face, I feel like I am breaking.
I am not weak.
I have dealt with more shit in my 34 years than most people have even dreamed about.
I am not inadequate.
I am strong. I am a survivor.
When the tears start to fall, that is my soul trying to heal from all the pain and heartache that I have seen in my lifetime.
Don't judge me. Don't look at me with pity.
Let me be. Let the tears flow uninterrupted.
Let me heal the best way I know how.
Let me cry.