Lying in bed trying to sleep.
Thoughts keep swirling in my mind.
I can't focus on one single thought. They are bunched together making it impossible to concentrate on just one.
I let the swirling mass consume me.
I find myself thinking about events from years ago. Wondering about the what ifs of the past.
Would I be where I am now if the past would have been handled differently?
Or would I still be in my current present regardless of the past?
Those are questions thought up by my overactive, insomniatic mind.
I have no answers.
I try to acknowledge and let go.
The swirling mass consumes me.
I try to keep the darker thoughts at bay.
They dart in and out. Flicking their forked tongues at the edge of my subconscious. I try to wrangle them into one spot and hold them there.
Acknowledge and let go.
But they do not leave.
They stay and mock me.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm going crazy.
This was written over the weekend as I was fighting with a bout of insomnia.
I know I'm not going crazy but the nights when my mind refuses to shut off, it feels as though I might be.
Pouring my heart out and linking up with Shell today. . .