Together but Separate

Watching a movie last night with Randall.

It's about a man protecting his family from a burglar and while protecting his family?  Said burglar might get hit with a baseball bat and dies.

The man ends up going to prison.  He gets screwed more ways than one after he is in the prison system.

Surprisingly, it wasn't a bad movie.

Felon is the name, in case you are interested.

After the movie I look at Randall.

"If you went to prison?  I would wait for you."

And I am suddenly taken back to a time when we were together but not travelling on the same path.

He drove a cab and stayed gone more than I liked.

We lived with my Mom, who looked at him as a failure.  That's part of the reason why he stayed gone all the time.

We traveled down this path for some time.  Together but separate.

I spent every waking hour trying to make him see that the path he was on was one of destruction.

He was about to lose everything that he loved and cared for.

Finally it all came to a head.  I could not take any more.

I could not take the disappointment in Kaylee's eyes when Daddy didn't come home when he said he would.

I could not take the looks of accusation from my Mom when Randall wouldn't call for days on end.

I could not take being together but separate any more.

I blew up.

One day while he was gone, I gathered all of his belongings and tossed them on the front porch.

I had warned him that this was going to happen.

He did not believe that I had done it until he pulled up in front of Mom's house.

I went outside and talked to him.

Full of emotions.

I was strong.  I told him that he had reached the final straw and I was done.

I told him that we might be better off taking a break.  Separate.  And live on our own paths.

That was the hardest thing I have ever done.

He angrily sped off down the street.

I went back inside and collapsed.

I cried like I have never cried before.

Huge wailing sobs.

The pain in my chest was unbearable.

My heart was broken.

I had lost the only man I ever truly loved.

My Mom and Step-Dad both looked at me like I was nuts.

They assured me that I had done the right thing for me and for Kaylee.

It did not feel right to me.

I was now half of the whole.

I was incomplete.

Later that night I call Randall so he can talk to Kaylee and tell her goodnight.

We talk.

Finally I had opened his eyes.

I had made him see what he had and what he was losing.

It takes a few days but we get things straightened out.

He comes back to live at Mom's.

We are together again.

We are whole.

We start on the same path . . . together not separate.

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