Friendship Lost

I found out Friday night {on Facebook no less} that my best friend from high school lost her Mom two years ago.

I was completely shocked.  And sad.

Sad that she lost her Mom.

Sad that I wasn't there for her when it happened.

Sad that I had to find out through Facebook.

You see, even though we were inseparable in high school, that didn't translate well after graduation.  We started on different paths half-way through senior year.

I was working and spending time with my boyfriend {aka my first husband}.

She was. . . Well she was doing other things.  Things that didn't really involve me.  She had branched out and made new friends.  Had a new circle.

So by the time graduation rolled around?  We were barely speaking.

I seen her a few times afterwards.  Things were always strained.  Awkward.

I got married.  She got a tattoo.

We lost touch.

I always wondered about her.  Thought about her.  Missed her.

A couple of years ago I joined Facebook.  I started looking for her again.  Because, you know, everyone is on Facebook.

All to no avail.

It was like she had vanished.

Then a little over a year ago I had a friend request waiting for me from her!!

I was so happy and excited.  I may have even cried.

I sent her a message telling her all about everything that had been going on with me.

She sent a two line reply, "Well it sounds like you've been busy.  My email is _______ or you can call me at ________."

So I decided to send her an email.

I poured my heart out to her.

Told her how much I regretted losing contact with her.

Told her how much I had missed her.

Told her every small detail about my life.  Because that's what long lost friends are supposed to do, right?

I ended by asking her to tell me all about her life.

I am still waiting on a reply.

She never answered.

I will admit that I was hurt.

I felt like an idiot for reaching out like I did.

Why should I expect things to be like they once were?

Why did I expect her to be as happy to find me as I was to find her?

It was completely clear that she had moved on.  I was nothing but a person from her past and she had no intentions of communicating with me.

But when I seen her status about losing her Mom, I sent her a message.

I tried reaching out again.

Hoping that maybe there could be some reconnection.

Another one line reply.

Another moment of me getting my hopes up.

I finally realized that I just need to move on.

It's nice that we can peek in on each other's lives from time to time but we will never be friends like we once were.

And that is something that I will just have to deal with.

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