Questions to Ponder Pt. 2

You may remember about 2 weeks ago, I posted the first 3 out of a set of 10 questions that I received via email from Kris at Pretty All True.

If you missed that, go check it out!

I finally have a connection that is semi decent enough to allow me to post the next set of questions.

Ready?

Here we go!

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4)      What five words would you use to describe 13 year old you?  Use a different 5 words to describe you as you are today.  Would 13 year old you be surprised at the words that are yours today?


Thirteen year old me:
shy, quiet, optimist, emotional, dreamer

me today:
Mother, pessimist, worrier, serious, melancholy

Thirteen year old me would be surprised at every word describing me today except mother.  I always knew I would be a mom some day.

I was always a 'glass half full' type of person.  Then I became an adult and realized that sometimes there is only one way to look at a situation.  I used the word pessimist but I don't think it's that.  It's more 'always looking at the seriousness of the situation'.  I wish I could be the eternal optimist like I was as a child.  I just can't.  I have been through too much shit since I turned 18.  I pretty much became a champion at worrying from that same age.  Getting married and throwing myself into the real world like I did skewed how I looked at things.



5)      When’s the last time you watched a loved one sleep?  Describe the circumstances and tell me what you were thinking.

One of the last times Randall was in the hospital I watched him as he slept in his hospital room.  

I listened as the IV machine purred, watched the medicine drip into his line. I sat there and watched him sleep, wanting to touch him but knowing that as soon as I did, he would wake up.  He doesn't sleep well when he is here.  So every little cat nap counts.

As I watched him the thoughts that ran through my mind were something like this:

"I love you more than you will ever know.  I am scared.  Scared of a lot of things but scared the most that I will lose you.  I am trying to be strong for you but it is so, so hard.  I never expected to be in this position.  You are the one who is supposed to support me.  And that sounds so selfish.  It is selfish.  Neither one of us asked for any of this.  And now here I am, the one who is everyone else's rock.  I want you to be better.  I want you to reassure me that everything is going to be OK.  I know it will be OK eventually.  You just need time to heal and you need time to rest."

And in the time it took me to think those thoughts, a nurse walked in and woke him from his nap.  To check his IV or to give him meds or to check his blood sugar.  I'm not sure which now.



6)      What has been your daughter’s favorite age thus far and why?

This one is easy.  Her favorite age, in my opinion, was the age of five.  Simply because that was when she started school.

We did not send her to preschool.  And while I know she could have benefited from some of the things there, like interaction with other kids her age, I did not see the point of it.  I spent my days teaching her to write her letters and numbers.  By the time she was three she could write out her full name with no problems.

She would always ask when she would be able to go to school.  And was always told 'when you turn five'.  I would have to count it down for her by seasons. 

"You are three now and it's summer.  That means you have fall, winter, spring (and her fourth birthday), summer, fall, winter, spring (and her fifth birthday), summer and then you start school!"

Her big brown eyes would light up and she would smile from ear to ear.

She loves school and has loved it from the beginning.  She hates to miss a day.  Actually tears up if she is sick and can not go to school.

She gets her love of school from me.  I just hope she doesn't travel down the same path that I did.



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More teasing from me as I am going to end this round here!

Hopefully I will be able to get the other questions posted some time next week.

If you have not stopped by Pretty All True, you need to get on that.

Kris is awesome.  She writes from her heart and will always leave you either giggling from the insanity or in tears from the reflective posts.

You must check her out!

Do it!

Or I will be forced to do something awful to you! (Like what, I don't know.  But I would come up with something!)




Have a wicked awesome Thursday peoples!  :)






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My Ponderings

2011 can suck it. (2) 4th Grade (1) 9/11 (1) A decade feels like forever but it is only a drop in the bucket of life. (1) A picture is worth a thousand words. (1) abortion (1) Acknowledge and let go. (1) And then my head exploded. (1) Arguing doesn't solve anything (1) awkward (1) Awkwardness (1) Back to School (3) Bad decisions (1) Being sick sucks. (2) Beyond the Cracks (1) birthday (4) Cancer can SUCK IT. (1) Cancer sucks for animals as well as humans. (1) Change is what you make it. (1) Choices (2) Consensus on twitter? I am not alone in my feelings. Heh. (1) craziness (2) Daddy (5) Daddy passed away from lung cancer 2 years later. (1) Decisions (3) diabetes (4) distractions (1) Double Digits (1) Dreams (1) Driver2 really does have a crush on me. (1) duct tape crafts (1) Dysfunctional families (1) Embarrassed (1) Emotional scars heal but they still leave behind pain. (1) Facebook has let me down. (1) family (40) Farts are funny (2) fiction (1) Fireworks are AWESOME (1) Friendships Lost (1) Fuck you very much (1) funny (18) gastroparesis (13) Getting my days mixed up means I'm getting old. PFFFFFT. Whatever. (1) growing up (10) Guest Posting (2) Happy Birthday Daddy. (1) Happy Birthday Kaylee (1) HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY (2) healing (1) Heart attacks are no joke. (1) heart health (2) Hidden away in a journal (1) holidays (6) hookers (1) hospital (12) humor (3) I am not a Freaking FAIRY (1) I am the female version of Weird Al. (1) I did not feel this way being pregnant with Kaylee. (1) I don't like being mean but sometimes it's necessary. (1) I feel close to my sister again. (1) I get a kick out of irritating people. (1) I giggle at inappropriateness (1) I hate being accused of something I didn't do. (1) I hate when the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. (1) I have only been drunk once and No I didn't eat before hand. It wasn't pretty. (1) I just want to PEE IN PEACE. Is that so wrong? (1) I know I am WAY TOO LENIENT. I KNOW. (1) I like making things out of duct tape. (1) I look forward to June (1) I love my family more than words can express. (1) I love Randall more than words (2) I love twitter. (2) I married the man in this story on September 11th 1996. (1) I miss my sister (1) I need him as much if not more than what he needs me. (1) I realize now just how badly things COULD have turned out. Didn't think about it then. (1) I really wouldn't grab my doctors balls. But it's funny to think about. Isn't it? (1) I said 'fuck' a lot. Sorry. (1) I was a good girl once. Really. (1) I will not be treated like my opinion doesn't count ANYMORE (1) I will not win Parent of the Year for 2012. That's for sure. (1) I wish I had the guts to say all of this to my Mom. (1) I would never duct tape the kid but I HAVE thought about it. Heh. (1) I would rather be pissed off than pissed on. Hee hee. (1) If I'm my own rock does that make me Bipolar? NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE (1) If only life were as easy as it is in movies. (1) In my head (1) In the Moment (1) Insomnia sucks (4) irritation (2) It's no fun being in the ER (1) Jealousy (1) Karma (1) kaylee (49) Kaylee was conceived BECAUSE of 9/11. (1) Kaylee will always be my baby no matter how old she is. (1) Less Than (1) Let me be. (1) life (120) Listen up 2012. . . I will have none of this suckass-ness already. (1) Living life in the PNW. (1) Living unfiltered (1) living with diabetes (3) Looking for my sanity. Have you seen it? (1) Looking for my voice. Have you seen it? (1) Losing a parent when you are nine is hard. (1) love (22) M'mmm FOOD. (1) May 10 2012 (1) me (17) memories (19) mental abuse (1) miscarriage (1) Mom (4) Mom of the year here I come. (2) MOM? I'M BOOORRRREEEDDD. (2) Motherhood (2) Mt. Rainier (1) My doctor? Also put me on a prenatal vitamin. I am not preggy. He said it's good for me. He might be nuts. (1) My feelings get hurt often. (1) My organizational skills are lacking. (2) Nisqually National Wildlife Refuge (1) No compassion (1) Not sure what caused the pain. Wonder if it was just stress? (1) Oh the places I'd go. (1) Only a Daydream (1) Organized Chaos (1) Pain in the Chest (1) Parenting (4) Parenting Fail (1) Parenting is hard yo. (1) pondering (6) pour your heart out (10) prayer (4) pregnancy (1) Pretty sure the snooze button is the devil. (1) Questions from Kris (2) Quiet morning time is quite enjoyable. (1) ramble (7) Randall (46) random (18) Randomness from Me :) (32) Release The Krackens (1) remembrance (2) Respect (1) routines (1) sad (6) Sad and Romantic (1) sadness (3) Salmon is still pink no matter what any man says (1) Save the Drama for your Mama. (1) secondary adrenal insufficiency (3) Secret guilty pleasures are no longer secret. Heh. (1) sexual abuse (1) Shadows of the Past (2) She dropped a bomb on me. (1) She is me. Obviously. (1) siblings (1) sickness (24) Sigh (6) Silence is golden. Then you remember you have kids. (1) silliness (5) sisterhood (2) snarky (2) Some people might be inclined to think she was being taken advantage of. She has considered this. (1) Some things make me feel really old (2) Sometimes smoke and mirrors are used to keep you from seeing the real me. (1) Somewhere along the way things changed (1) Sprouting boobies would be funny (1) Squeaky McSqueakerson (1) stress (9) Ten Thought Tuesday (43) Ten Years Ago Today (1) That girl can SING (1) The Land of WA. (1) the man here was three times older than me. (1) Things that make me laugh (2) Things that rattle around in my head (1) Thinking about giving up the whole blogging thing. . . Really. (1) This is a touchy subject. (1) This is not about Randall or Kaylee. (1) This is only part of the story. The other half belongs to Randall. I can only tell my part. (1) This post is WAY WAY longer than it should be. Sorry. (1) This time of year is hard for me. If I could I would crawl in a hole and hide until February. (1) This was one of the hardest things I have ever done (1) Thoughtfulness (2) Time will tell (1) Today is my Birthday. (1) Tootin' (1) Trying to heal from things of the past (1) twitter (1) unexpected lessons (1) Unexpected things (1) Used to love using the posties. . . Decided to use them today. (1) We are still walking on the same path together. (1) We need some good around here right now. (1) What do you think? (1) What the fuck is wrong with me? (1) What would you do? (1) What? (1) Who daydreams about being old and gray? THIS CHICK DOES. What? (1) With Him (1) Wordless Wednesday (9) Writer's Workshop (8) WTF? (1) Yes I DO shop at thrift stores. (1) You are dead to me if you don't like bacon. OK. Not really. (1) You might learn more than you want to about me (1)