The Elephant in the Room



I was standing in the kitchen, alone, or so I thought, making a peanut butter & jelly sammich for Randall.

Not an unusual thing.  

I thought I was alone...

So I'm standing there waiting for the toast to pop up out of the toaster (Randall likes his PB&J on toast) and I decided to break wind.  

No, let's just be honest here.  We're friends, right?  

I farted.  It was not the grand-poohba of farts but it wasn't tiny and meek either.

Let me reiterate that I thought I was alone.  

About a minute after I let it rip, Kaylee comes walking into the kitchen.  By this time I am slathering peanut butter on a piece of toast.  I tell her Hi.  She looks at me and has a grin on her face a mile wide.

"I heard that."  She says to me.

Damn.  This kid can be super stealthy when she wants to be.

"You heard what?"  I ask, trying desperately to sound innocent and keep my composure at the same time.

Because farts are funny.  At least in this house they are.

"I heard you fart."  She's giving me a look.  That look that she knows...

"What are you talking about?"  I am fading fast.  

"Mama!  You farted!"  She's getting a little sassy with me now.

"You must have heard the floor squeak."  I am giggling as I try to talk.  I am all but busted.

"MAMA!  I heard you fart!"  {she then attempts to make the same sound as my fart}

Remember, this is all in the span of about 45 seconds.  I have moved on to putting jelly on the other piece of toast...

As I am putting everything away, I finally get tired of her trying to mimic the sound and say, "It actually kinda sounded like a baby elephant." 

Yes, my farts can sometimes mock animals.  Most frequently the sound is of a duck.  But that is neither here nor there.

My 8 year old gets a look of triumph on her face, "AH HA!  So you admit that you did fart!"

I smile, grab Randall's sammich, look at her and say, "I don't know what you're talking about."  

And promptly walk out of the room.  

Moral of the story:  Don't toot your own horn if you're not ready to share your music with everyone!  ;)

3 comments:

Oka said...

okay, not something I wanted to read while eating my cereal.

I was brought up to thinking farts are rude. Now Baby Girl and I are trapped in a house full of males...UGH.

kris said...

It sounded like a baby elephant?

Your daughter is a genius with the words!

Love that!

So funny.

At our house? Nobody ever gets called out for farting anymore, because our Labrador has been farting SO much lately? We just assume it's her, even if the dog is not even in the room.

The dog reeks.

Like a dead baby elephant.

Sigh.

Lisa said...

BUSTED!

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