He Doesn't Know...

I have sat here all day and watched as he has slept yet another day away.  


He is sick.  He has diabetes, gastroparesis and a heart condition.  


He has good days and bad days.  Unfortunately the bad days tend to be REALLY bad.  Today has been one of those days.  He has moaned in his sleep and for the few seconds that he wakes up, all I can get out of him is that his kidneys hurt.  Being diabetic, I don't see this as a good thing.  I try to get him up so we can go to the hospital.  He yells at me to leave him alone he is just tired and needs to sleep.  So I do.  I don't drive so the only way for me to get him there (aside from begging my FIL to take him, which I don't think he would anyway...) is to call an ambulance.  I haven't called yet because you can't call them and tell them never mind, it's OK now...  


I have fought off tears all day.  Trying to be strong for Kaylee but she knows me too well and knows I'm upset about something, no matter how I try to hide it.  I had a breakdown a little bit ago and started bawling and said to him that I was scared he was gonna die.  He woke up then and said he was OK that he just needed to sleep that if he felt the same tomorrow he would go to the hospital.  I don't know...


I feel lost and helpless.  I have NO ONE to lean on here.  I have no friends, not really.  The people I know, I know through Randall and I would feel funny asking them for any type of help.  The in-laws could really care less.  How could you not give 3 shits about your own flesh and blood?  HOW?


So I am left to sit here and pray.  Pray that he wakes up feeling better in the morning.  Pray that it's just a cold or flu of some kind and he won't have to be hospitalized.  Pray that I can find the strength to make it through this (I know I will.  I always do).


I hope your weekend has started off better than mine has.  

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