I am not sure that I have the ability to be "the strong one" any more.
It is of no news to anyone that Randall is not a well man. He has many, many issues.
In 2009 he had a heart attack. At the age of thirty-five. He also had to have two stents placed into the arteries around his heart in order to help open up the blockages.
That was three years ago. And he is having troubles with his heart again.
It was confirmed last week (as he went to the hospital with mild chest discomfort) that he has in fact had another heart attack sometime within the last three years. As I type this, he is at the hospital because he started having chest pains again.
I am trying to hold it together. Really, I am.
But I am scared.
Scared that he is going to run out of chances at living his life.
He doesn't exercise. He smokes. He is diabetic. He stays stressed out.
There is only so much I can do. I am not his mother and I am not his keeper.
He is an adult and he is quite capable of making his own decisions.
Or at least that's what he tells me.
Hopefully his eyes will be opened and he will do what needs to be done so that he can watch his little girl grow up.
I don't want her to grow up without a daddy.
I want to spend my life with him.
Grow old and gray with him.
Share remembered stories with him.
Laugh and smile and giggle with him.
Take the trips that we've dreamed about with him.
Hold our first born grandchild with him.
Please God, Open his eyes and make him see that he is running out of chances.
|We need him more than he realizes|
Pouring my heart out with Shell today. . .