Channeling My Inner Idiot

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I am recovering from Randall being in the hospital over the weekend.

He went to the ER Saturday night with horrific abdominal pain.  Which is part of the gastroparesis he was diagnosed with three years ago.  Which was caused because he is diabetic and did not take care of his blood sugar for several years.  {sigh}

He is stubborn.  Even now it is hard to get him to do what he needs to do.

I have nagged at him for ten plus years about how he needs to take care of himself.

Rode his ass to take his pill or take his insulin.

And it pretty much fell {or falls} on deaf ears.

Now that I am diabetic too?  I see how easy it is to slack off.

All it takes is ONE time of not testing to just simply forget to do it.

I have seen firsthand what slacking off can do.  I know what the repercussions are.

I could lose my eyesight, suffer kidney failure, have complications with my legs and feet or suffer stomach ailments like Randall does.

And yet I have slacked off.

For three months I did not test and I did not take insulin.  I completely neglected my health.

I think a lot of it was denial.  I was still not totally convinced that I was truly diabetic.

But after seeing Randall this weekend and the extreme amount of pain that he was in. . .  And the amount of pain that he lives with day in and day out. . .  Something clicked in my head.

I don't want to live my life like that.

What the fuck am I doing?  WHY am I neglecting myself?

Why am I putting myself on a path to possibly becoming sicker than what I already am??

I may be channeling my inner idiot.

Sunday I started testing and taking my insulin again.

I jumped back on the bandwagon.

I want to be healthy.  I want to take care of myself.

Most of all?  I want to be around to see Kaylee grow up into the lovely young lady I know she is going to be.

The only person who can hold me accountable is me.





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My Ponderings

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