I want to write something that people will identify with.
I want to write something that after it's been read, the reader will sit back and say, "Wow. She truly blew me away today."
I want to make you think. I want to make you feel emotion. I want you to feel what I feel as I write.
But it's hard to do.
Fiction writer I am not. I am a life writer. I write about my life. The past, the present and sometimes of the future.
I have to confess that while I do share a lot here, I have not shared everything. There are things I could write about that would probably leave you scratching your head and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.
So I don't share any of that. At least not until now.
I am not the same person that I once was ten years ago. Or even five years ago. Or even 2 years ago.
There has been quite a bit of change on my part and not all of it is good.
I am about to share something with you that will probably leave you thinking "What the hell is wrong with her?".
I have always been shy. Always. Even around my family I am shy. I didn't break out of my shell until I started working when I was sixteen.
When I started working? Something in me changed. I loved meeting new people. I loved working with people. I loved being in groups of people and loved being the center of attention.
But since we moved to WA state things have changed. Like drastically changed.
I have no friends. Literally NO FRIENDS. None.
I don't like being out in public and can only handle being out so long before I start having a panic attack.
The only people I talk to are the people who live in this house. And sometimes the librarians. But mostly just the people in this house.
I feel completely out of place when I actually do find myself in a social situation. I usually end up being the wallflower. Except worse. If that is even possible.
I don't know if these changes have to do with my age. Or with the fact that I don't work outside the home anymore.
I just know that I find myself getting sadder and lonelier as the days go by.