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This Isn't Me

Who is this woman?

She looks like me but acts nothing like the person I used to be.

I was never this quick-tempered.  Never this angry.  Never this worried.  Never this pessimistic.

This isn't me.

Not that I didn't worry before.  I did.  Just not like this.

I didn't obsess over it the way I do now.

I acknowledged the issue at hand and moved on.

Instead of focusing on the anger, I let it go.

Instead of the glass being half empty, it was half full.  Always.  I could always find the positive in the negative.

I am not sure when it changed.

But I have realized within the last few weeks that the person I have become is not the same person I once was.

The person I am now is not me.

I am working on finding myself.  Working on finding the happy.

I realize that I can not do it all alone.  I need help. 

I have an appointment next month with a doctor.  Just a normal MD.  But I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, he can help me get back on track.

I hope that he can help me find the real me.
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Written by Stasha at 9/14/2011 12:19:00 PM
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Jenn@Fox in the City · 706 weeks ago

Ah, those feelings sound rather familiar to me. Good for you for looking out for yourself and making an appointment. That is a huge step for most people. Hopefully you find the real you, the happy you, in the very near future!
My recent post Five Sure Fire Ways to Look Like a Total Dork : Updated for Theresa
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Stasha 77p · 706 weeks ago

Thank you.

It is a huge step for me. I have a hard time asking for help, so it is huge in many ways.

I hope I can find 'me' very, very soon.
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Oka · 706 weeks ago

I don't know, knowing what I know (and I know I don't know the half of it) about your most current stint in life, I think it is completely understandable that you would be having these issues. Doesn't mean I don't want you to seek help. You know that is quite the opposite for me. I really hope next month is the beginning of great changes.
My recent post PYHO: Failing my daughter
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Stasha 77p · 706 weeks ago

The thing is, this is something that has happened over the last few years. Not just recently.

Sure, the situation I am in is shitty and has a lot to do with it.

But there have been times when the situation was just as bad and I didn't react to it this way.

I am wondering if it has anything to do with my age. You know, getting meaner the older I get.

Either way, I am taking steps to find the happy me.
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Oka · 706 weeks ago

I'm not discounting what you going through. I believe it's real. I just don't think the situations are helping either.
My recent post PYHO: Failing my daughter
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healthyhomeguide 2p · 706 weeks ago

I can totally relate. Having felt the same as you describe more than once, I encourage you to seek out a counselor too. An M.D. will give you a prescription, but I have found that for the self-reflection and discovery work that needs to be done, having the help of a counselor who is trained to help you do just that is invaluable. I hope you find the woman you are missing - or whatever of version of her is the "real" you today! :)
My recent post Green Your Halloween: National Costume Swap Day is October 8, 2011!
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Stasha 77p · 706 weeks ago

Thanks.

I will look into finding a counselor.

Because I need all the help I can get.
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roxisbrilliant 66p · 706 weeks ago

I know these feelings. Seek the help you need, and if you need just a little support, I am here for you.
My recent post Red Writing Hood: Jeans
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Stasha 77p · 706 weeks ago

Thank you Mama!

Knowing that I have support makes it feel less scary.
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Stasha 77p · 706 weeks ago

I know I have health issues...

I know that I probably have high blood pressure... There will be meds for that. (That may very well help with my anger)

I have problems with my lady parts, that could have something to do with it.

I may be depressed. We all know what that can do.

I plan on telling the DR everything. And taking what ever help I can get.

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