Ponderings of a Middle-Aged Mom: Stream of Consciousness Sunday: A Realization

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: A Realization

This is my first time linking up with All.Things.Fadra and Stream of Consciousness Sunday. Sometimes you just need to let things out. Let them be free. And today brought me to a realization. Read and enjoy.

Not pregnant.

I am not pregnant.

This was confirmed Friday night as I sat in the ER for my foot.

The nurse made me take a test since I haven't had a period since March.

And the result is that I am not pregnant.

And I am sad.

I don't think it was meant for me to have another child.

But really? We aren't ready for another baby right now.

The situation isn't right.

We are not prepared to have another child. There is just too much that goes along with having a baby.

I can not take care of Kaylee, Randall when he is sick AND another child. There is no way.

I would be running on less sleep than what I do now.

And I know there are other women out there who do it everyday.

I just don't think I was meant to be one of them.

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Kimberly · 724 weeks ago

It will happen when it's right for you and your family. Hope everything is ok with your foot!

1 reply · active 724 weeks ago

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

Yes.

When the time is right it will happen.

The moment we stop 'trying' will be the time.

As for my foot? It was only tendinitis and all will be OK.

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@mommyhoodnxtrt · 724 weeks ago

When the time is right, it will happen. I know everyone says this all the time, but it's so true.

1 reply · active 724 weeks ago

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

I have been wondering if the time will ever be right.

We decided to start TRYING in March. And we thought we got lucky on the first try.

I am convinced that it is only meant for me to have one child.

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Oka · 724 weeks ago

sorry sweetie ((((STASHA))))

1 reply · active less than 1 minute ago

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

I am trying to not let it affect me so much.

I am sad but not as sad as I have been when we crossed this road in the past.

I'm trying to roll with the punches.

Sigh.

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@PhasesofMe · 724 weeks ago

I know it's hard when you want another little one and it doesn't work out. My 2nd husband and I have been together for 14 years, I have a grown daughter from my previous marriage, he had a son from a previous relationship. We've never used birth control, but we've never had a child together. It used to bother me all the time, but as time went on, I've learned to accept it, especiallly now that my biological clock's batteries are going dead on me.

What the other ladies say is true, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. If it doesn't happen, you will find endless joy in the one you were blessed with and eventually come to accept it.

Best wishes for you and your family!

3 replies · active 724 weeks ago

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

I am happy the way we are now.

I just feel guilty about my daughter being an only child. I feel guilty that when she grows up and her Dad and I are gone, she will be all alone {if she isn't married with kids of her own by then}.

It breaks my heart.

It is something that I will have to deal with.

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Oka · 724 weeks ago

I don't for a minute think Kaylee will ever be alone.

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

No.

She will never be alone.

She will have friends and other family (hopefully a hubby and kids of her own).

I want her to have a brother or sister.

I just don't think *I* was meant to have more kids.

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RussellisNLQ 72p · 724 weeks ago

Thank you for showing us a bit of your heart.

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't have anything but thank you.

1 reply · active 724 weeks ago

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Stasha 77p · 724 weeks ago

It's hard for me.

I want another child and I don't want another child.

So I will just go back to where I was before:

If it happens? That will be awesome. And I will be ecstatic. If it doesn't? Then I will have to find a way to deal with it.