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Stream of Consciousness Sunday: A Realization




This is my first time linking up with All.Things.Fadra and Stream of Consciousness Sunday.  Sometimes you just need to let things out.  Let them be free.  And today brought me to a realization.  Read and enjoy.





#SOCsunday



Not pregnant.

I am not pregnant.

This was confirmed Friday night as I sat in the ER for my foot.

The nurse made me take a test since I haven't had a period since March.

And the result is that I am not pregnant.

And I am sad.

I don't think it was meant for me to have another child.

But really?  We aren't ready for another baby right now.

The situation isn't right.

We are not prepared to have another child.  There is just too much that goes along with having a baby.

I can not take care of Kaylee, Randall when he is sick AND another child.  There is no way.

I would be running on less sleep than what I do now.

And I know there are other women out there who do it everyday.

I just don't think I was meant to be one of them.
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Written by Stasha at 5/15/2011 11:22:00 AM
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My Ponderings

2011 can suck it. (2) 4th Grade (1) 9/11 (1) A decade feels like forever but it is only a drop in the bucket of life. (1) A picture is worth a thousand words. (1) abortion (1) Acknowledge and let go. (1) And then my head exploded. (1) Arguing doesn't solve anything (1) awkward (1) Awkwardness (1) Back to School (3) Bad decisions (1) Being sick sucks. (2) Beyond the Cracks (1) birthday (4) Cancer can SUCK IT. (1) Cancer sucks for animals as well as humans. (1) Change is what you make it. (1) Choices (2) Consensus on twitter? I am not alone in my feelings. Heh. (1) craziness (2) Daddy (5) Daddy passed away from lung cancer 2 years later. (1) Decisions (3) diabetes (4) distractions (1) Double Digits (1) Dreams (1) Driver2 really does have a crush on me. (1) duct tape crafts (1) Dysfunctional families (1) Embarrassed (1) Emotional scars heal but they still leave behind pain. (1) Facebook has let me down. (1) family (40) Farts are funny (2) fiction (1) Fireworks are AWESOME (1) Friendships Lost (1) Fuck you very much (1) funny (18) gastroparesis (13) Getting my days mixed up means I'm getting old. PFFFFFT. Whatever. (1) growing up (10) Guest Posting (2) Happy Birthday Daddy. (1) Happy Birthday Kaylee (1) HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY (2) healing (1) Heart attacks are no joke. (1) heart health (2) Hidden away in a journal (1) holidays (6) hookers (1) hospital (12) humor (3) I am not a Freaking FAIRY (1) I am the female version of Weird Al. (1) I did not feel this way being pregnant with Kaylee. (1) I don't like being mean but sometimes it's necessary. (1) I feel close to my sister again. (1) I get a kick out of irritating people. (1) I giggle at inappropriateness (1) I hate being accused of something I didn't do. (1) I hate when the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. (1) I have only been drunk once and No I didn't eat before hand. It wasn't pretty. (1) I just want to PEE IN PEACE. Is that so wrong? (1) I know I am WAY TOO LENIENT. I KNOW. (1) I like making things out of duct tape. (1) I look forward to June (1) I love my family more than words can express. (1) I love Randall more than words (2) I love twitter. (2) I married the man in this story on September 11th 1996. (1) I miss my sister (1) I need him as much if not more than what he needs me. (1) I realize now just how badly things COULD have turned out. Didn't think about it then. (1) I really wouldn't grab my doctors balls. But it's funny to think about. Isn't it? (1) I said 'fuck' a lot. Sorry. (1) I was a good girl once. Really. (1) I will not be treated like my opinion doesn't count ANYMORE (1) I will not win Parent of the Year for 2012. That's for sure. (1) I wish I had the guts to say all of this to my Mom. (1) I would never duct tape the kid but I HAVE thought about it. Heh. (1) I would rather be pissed off than pissed on. Hee hee. (1) If I'm my own rock does that make me Bipolar? NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE (1) If only life were as easy as it is in movies. (1) In my head (1) In the Moment (1) Insomnia sucks (4) irritation (2) It's no fun being in the ER (1) Jealousy (1) Karma (1) kaylee (49) Kaylee was conceived BECAUSE of 9/11. (1) Kaylee will always be my baby no matter how old she is. (1) Less Than (1) Let me be. (1) life (120) Listen up 2012. . . I will have none of this suckass-ness already. (1) Living life in the PNW. (1) Living unfiltered (1) living with diabetes (3) Looking for my sanity. Have you seen it? (1) Looking for my voice. Have you seen it? (1) Losing a parent when you are nine is hard. (1) love (22) M'mmm FOOD. (1) May 10 2012 (1) me (17) memories (19) mental abuse (1) miscarriage (1) Mom (4) Mom of the year here I come. (2) MOM? I'M BOOORRRREEEDDD. (2) Motherhood (2) Mt. Rainier (1) My doctor? Also put me on a prenatal vitamin. I am not preggy. He said it's good for me. He might be nuts. (1) My feelings get hurt often. (1) My organizational skills are lacking. (2) Nisqually National Wildlife Refuge (1) No compassion (1) Not sure what caused the pain. Wonder if it was just stress? (1) Oh the places I'd go. (1) Only a Daydream (1) Organized Chaos (1) Pain in the Chest (1) Parenting (4) Parenting Fail (1) Parenting is hard yo. (1) pondering (6) pour your heart out (10) prayer (4) pregnancy (1) Pretty sure the snooze button is the devil. (1) Questions from Kris (2) Quiet morning time is quite enjoyable. (1) ramble (7) Randall (46) random (18) Randomness from Me :) (32) Release The Krackens (1) remembrance (2) Respect (1) routines (1) sad (6) Sad and Romantic (1) sadness (3) Salmon is still pink no matter what any man says (1) Save the Drama for your Mama. (1) secondary adrenal insufficiency (3) Secret guilty pleasures are no longer secret. Heh. (1) sexual abuse (1) Shadows of the Past (2) She dropped a bomb on me. (1) She is me. Obviously. (1) siblings (1) sickness (24) Sigh (6) Silence is golden. 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