Here I go trying to get back into the swing of things. You never realize just how much you will miss something until you don't have it anymore. I totally missed blogging, it is my way to get things off my chest. To vent. To bitch. To express my feelings and not be judged... I can't do that IRL as it tends to start fights and arguments with the people who live with me (that would be the in-laws not Randall or Kaylee).
I have mentioned that over the past month, Randall has been sick. This wasn't a cold or flu sick. This was in and out of the hospital sick. This was I was totally scared shitless thinking that he was gonna die sick. During this past month we found out that not only does Randall have diabetic gastroparesis, he was also diagnosed with Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. Which has totally scared me. And after reading more about it, I wonder if he might have Addison's Disease...
I would go visit Randall in the hospital and try to be as strong as I could. I would come home and break down in tears, when/if I could get a moment to myself. I tried really hard to not show Kaylee how concerned I was. I have told Randall that I wish it was ME that was so sick. I wish I could trade and it be me who has to be poked and prodded and endure the extreme pain that he is constantly in. He says no. He says that he couldn't do what I have been doing. I know that if the situation was reversed he would be doing exactly what I have done, PLUS some...
During this time, Randall lost his job. We are not without income (thank God for the dispatching we do from the house) but things are tight. Really tight. I'm pinching pennies so hard that I'm making them squeak... Added to this stress, it has not helped that his parents have no income of their own. His dad sits and waits for his unemployment to start back up... He's a slacker...
This has left me in a state of constant worry and panic. I have panic attacks at the drop of a hat. I have trouble sleeping at night. I worry that this bill can't be paid or that bill can't be paid. I am trying to have faith that everything will work out and be OK. I just hope that I don't worry myself into the hospital...
9 comments:
You guys are in my prayers. Hoping Randall gets back on his feet soon and slacker man gets a clue!
((((((((((STASHA)))))))))))
Praying for your family! I can't imagine how difficult this is for you guus.
That's a lot of stress to deal with. Sending you lots of prayers!
What a time youve had! I am so glad he is home. things will keep getting better!
That's a lot of strain on one person, you're in my thoughts and prayers!
Following you via PYHO.
Girl its tough to be the strong one! I wish that I had all the right answers to help you through these tough times. Just know your not alone! I struggle with robbing peter to pay paul and so do many others!
Hang in there, your in my thoughts and prayers daily!
BTW Its good to see ya blog, wish I could find more time too!
That's so hard. I hope everything rights itself soon.
Getting to know you more and more.
So impressed with your strength, babe.
So impressed.
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